Where Every Connection Becomes a Bond
You lie there afterward, staring at the ceiling, feeling more alone than you did before it started.
He’s already asleep, satisfied, oblivious.
And you’re left wondering when intimacy became something that only happens to him, never with you.
Selfish lovers reveal themselves not through what they do, but through what they consistently refuse to do.
1. They Refuse to Prioritize Your Pleasure First
He moves straight to what feels good for him, skipping entirely over what you need to feel ready, aroused, desired.
Foreplay isn’t foreplay to him—it’s an inconvenient delay.
He refuses to slow down, refuses to start with you, refuses to acknowledge that your body requires something different than his does.
A generous lover begins with their partner’s pleasure. A selfish one begins—and often ends—with their own.
2. They Refuse to Ask What You Like
He never asks what feels good. Never checks in. Never says, “What do you want?”.
Instead, he operates on autopilot, repeating the same moves regardless of your response.
Selfish husbands refuse to ask because asking requires vulnerability—it means admitting they might not already know everything.
A partner who refuses to ask what you like is telling you they’d rather assume than learn.
3. They Refuse to Receive Feedback Without Defensiveness
You finally gather the courage to say, “I’d really like it if we could try…”
And he shuts down. Gets defensive. Takes it as criticism instead of guidance.
Selfish lovers interpret feedback as a personal attack on their sexual prowess.
This defensiveness ensures you stop speaking up, which keeps his fragile ego intact and your needs forever unmet.
4. They Refuse to Return Oral Sex
You give. And give. And give.
He receives gladly, frequently, enthusiastically.
But when it’s your turn? Suddenly he’s too tired, not in the mood, or he just “doesn’t like it”.
Selfish husbands refuse reciprocity because they view intimacy as a one-way street where their pleasure is paramount and yours is negotiable.
If he expects oral sex but refuses to give it, he’s not a lover—he’s entitled.
5. They Refuse to Spend Time on Foreplay
He wants to skip straight to intercourse because that’s what satisfies him.
Your body’s need for buildup, arousal, connection? Irrelevant.
Selfish lovers refuse extended foreplay because it doesn’t directly serve their gratification.
He’s having sex with you, not to you—but it doesn’t feel that way.
6. They Refuse to Learn About Female Pleasure
He won’t read articles. Won’t watch educational content. Won’t even consider that there’s more to learn about your body.
This refusal to educate himself isn’t ignorance—it’s willful indifference.
A selfish husband would rather stay ignorant than humble himself enough to learn.
7. They Refuse to Go Slower
You’ve asked him to slow down. To savor the moment. To let things build naturally.
But he rushes, driven by his own urgency, oblivious to your pace.
This refusal to match your rhythm makes sex feel mechanical, transactional, lonely.
It’s not intimacy when only one person is actually present.
8. They Refuse to Make You Feel Desired
He wants sex, but he doesn’t want you—not in the way that makes you feel seen, wanted, craved.
There’s no eye contact, no verbal affirmation, no indication that your pleasure matters beyond its utility to his arousal.
You’re left feeling like an object, not a partner.
9. They Refuse to Address the Problem
You’ve brought it up. Multiple times. In multiple ways.
And he refuses to acknowledge there’s even an issue.
He deflects, minimizes your concerns, or plays the victim.
This refusal to engage is the final confirmation: he values his comfort over your fulfillment.
What This Really Means
Sexual selfishness isn’t just about bad technique or ignorance.
It’s relational inequality disguised as intimacy.
When your husband consistently refuses to prioritize your pleasure, he’s operating from a place of sexual entitlement.
This isn’t malice. It’s learned behavior. But left unchallenged, it’s also a form of intimate narcissism.
If your husband refuses to read about female pleasure, ask what you like, go slower, or even consider that your sexual disappointment matters, you’re dealing with sexual entitlement bolstered by relational cowardice.
The question is whether you’ll keep settling for crumbs when you deserve the whole feast.
